Think of all the ugly things about me

I love that in this letter Sylvia warns Alex not to idealize her. She has imposter syndrome about her relationship! It’s an interesting side effect of correspondence and prolonged absence: Sylvia is afraid of disappointing Alex when he returns. It reminds me just how young she is when she’s writing. It’s 1944 and she is only 25! She begins to list her “faults” to Alex and it gives us a few details that we may not otherwise have known about her. She likes to sleep late, has a false tooth, and her letters don’t keep Alex’s morale properly boosted — none of these thing sound like faults to me and the honesty of her letters only proves how strong their relationship was.

Sylvia discusses the building a bit more in this letter, too. She has proposed a weekly news discussion group, and is surveying neighbors about getting a phone line. She is active in the building and it’s comforting to think of this community surrounding her as many of them (I imagine) navigated family separation and financial stress. I also like her descriptions of Adrienne, who is precocious and adorable and has a head of short curly hair.

I wonder which of Alex’s letters contains the story that Sylvia mentioned about “that episode with that woman.” Maybe we’ve read it before – I can’t remember.

Wed 10/18/44

Darling –

You may consider me a good wife, but as a correspondent I’m lousy. These last few days I’ve been in a quandary – never sure as to whether or not you were still there or on your way home. Some days I’d receive no mail for as long as 4 days – and then I’d  

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be certain you were on your way home. Other days I’d get as many as five or six letters at one time, and I’d know you’re still out there. The best letter was the birthday letter where you tell me of that episode with that woman. Honey, I was in absolute misery until I read that you broke away. It was a great relief to read that… Darling ,throughout all your

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Letters you keep telling me how wonderful I am — and that worries me because I’m afraid that you’ve begun to romanticize me and that I won’t be able to live up to your picture. So please, dearest, think of all the ugly things about me. Keep thinking that I have a false tooth – that my nose isn’t so straight, that

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I write you letters which surely can’t keep you in good spirits, that I love to sleep late – oh honey there are a million and one things wrong with me so don’t start idealizing me. I’m not good enough for you – but I do love you, you lug!

Darling, there are so many things I’d love to discuss

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With you – both big things and petty things. But to do so by mail and get an answer a few weeks later isn’t so conducive to discussions.

Anyway, let me try to tell you some things on our floor (the 3^rd)  there are 5 apartments including ours, and we’re all very friendly with each other.

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So I suggested having a coffee klatch [informal meeting] once a week to discuss the week’s news, and it’s been accepted with enthusiasm. Nice?

Monday, I took Adrienne to your folks’ house and left her there while I went you know where to see about her winter clothes. I was told to come back in a week and select what I need. Although there was a long wait,

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Everybody was very pleasant about it. This Thursday I’m going to take our baby to the Naval Hospital for an examination and to see if they’ll give her the Schick test [test for susceptibility to diptheria]. (I’m enclosing a form for you to sign. It’s a formality, so do’t be frightened.) Put in my name as dependent.) Did I tell you I inquired about a telephone? Well, I could have one, says the

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Project office, but there’s no cable in our building. I was supposed to have been informed of this before moving in. I wrote to the telephone company and they said the same thing. So no cable – no phone. However, there are three other girls on my floor alone who want phones. Therefore, we’re all going to inquire through the whole building and maybe if there are enough requests for phones, we can have

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A cable put in. Well, we’ll see.

There are many plans I have in mind – but I can’t write you about it. We’ll discuss it in bed. You just wait!!

My evenings have been occupied with cleaning, gossiping, reading, (just finished your recommendation “Lady in the Morgue”) sewing for Cookie, and sleeping. So you can see I’m a good girl leading

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An unexciting existence. I haven’t written to our friends yet telling them our new address, as first I want to get a screen to hide the kitchen, and I want to hang the curtains. Then I’ll write them.

Dearest, I need your help in getting some final touches done in our house so don’t waste any time but come

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Home quickly.

Adrienne is a wonderful baby. She looks much better since we live here. Even my mother said her face looks fuller. She’s a very good child and is very friendly and precocious. I know you’ll love her very dearly. She doesn’t speak much but she talks more than the

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18 mo. old and 2 year old nextdoor. She tries to watch the “too-too” (choo-choo train) and to call the “hawth” (horse) and to call the “bow” (bowwow – it used to be “dog”) . She now has about 9 or 10 teeth and her hair although still short and curly is becoming thicker. She’s adorable.

My love, there’s nobody and nothing to take your place in my heart. Don’t ever forget

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that. Don’t ever let anything separate us… it would kill me. Just remember how much you meant to me- and to our baby – and remember how anxiously we’re waiting for your return. Take good care of yourself, lover,

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and come home quickly.

With all my love,

Sylvia

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In the file with this letter is this sheet of paper. It’s a stark reminder of some of the dangers Alex faced on the ship and also an interesting historical document of who he was sailing with.